Here are some jokes to tell during the regular fag breaks that inevitably happen after 3 minutes of practicing. �Here's a good one.....
�"How'd that happen?" asks the doctor.
�"I had sex with a Elephant," replies the man.
�"But Elephant's dick's aren't that big" exclaims the doctor.
�"I know," sighs the man, "he fingered me
first!!"
�- Men, get in the tank!
Both of them.
�- A waste of space, room for two more in the back!
�- Saves time.
(as you've probably guessed by now I'm a Liverpool fan!)
He goes in and is instantly drawn to this gold plated stick like object
in a glass box, glimmering in the light. �
"What's that?" inquires the man,
"I'll show you" replies the assistant.
The assistant shouts 'Voodoo Dick, the door' and immediately the object
flies towards the keyhole of the door and starts hammering away. �The
man is amazed and demands to buy the sex toy, so the assistant shouts 'Voodoo
Dick, the box' and the Voodoo Dick returns to the box. �The man leaves
the Voodoo Dick on the kitchen table with a note on the top.
When the wife returns she reads the note - .......Dear Wife, Just say
these words Voodoo Dick, my cunt.....
On saying these words the Voodoo Dick rams itself in the women and goes
at it like mad. �She orgasms several times and is obviously very pleased
with her present. �After about 3 hours she is really nakered and wants
the Voodoo Dick to stop.
"Stop, stop" she cries, but still it keeps going, not letting up. �The
women becomes increasingly worried and, now fearing for her life (or at least
her sexual organs) decides to drive to the hospital.
Speeding down the motorway in her car she is eventually stopped by the
police.
"Good afternoon Madam," says the policeman "Do you know how fast you
were going?"
"Yes, oohhhhh, I do, uahhhh, but urgghh there's this Voodoo Dick, ahhhiiyyy
and it wont stop!!!!"
To which the policeman replies....."Voodoo Dick my ARSE!"
"Its driving me mad, I don't no what to do - maybe you should
amputate!!"
To which the doctor replies,
"I think that's a little rash!"
Here's one that confuses a few people.....
A: It went down the road and turned into a field.
A: Kermit's undivided attention!
"OK," says the man, "I bet you that I can lick my right eye."
The barman thinks for a while decides that can't be done.
"Alright, �50's says that can't be done" the barman replies.
So the man takes out his right glass eye and licks it. �The barman
is not very impressed but sure enough he hands over the �50's. �A
few days later the same man walks in and again asks the barman if he wants
a bet. �The barman answers yes.
"OK," says the man, "I bet you that I can bite my left eye."
The barman thinks to himself - "he can't have two glass eyes" so eventually
says "Alright, I'll bet you �50."
So the man takes out his denchures and bites his left eye. �This
annoys the barman even more but he still hands the cash over.
A week later the same guy walks in an ask the barman for a bet. �This
time the barman is very cautious so asks what the bet is.
"I bet you," says the man, "that I can piss from here straight into
that beer glass next to the rough looking skinhead and not spill a drop on
the floor!"
"Your mad -�that's impossible," exclaims the barman, "I wager
�500!"
The man asks for a beer so he can get the fluid flowing. �After
a few he gets up on the chair, pulls down his trousers and pisses everywhere
- all over the barman who laughs at him as he wipes the urine from his face.
�The man sits back down a hands over the money.
"Why did you bet me that - it was impossible?" asks the barman.
"Well I bet that skinhead over there �1000 that I could piss all
over you and you'd just stand there laughing!!!!"
"This is how to ring the bell" says Quasi modo as he runs head long
into the bell.
"CCCCLLLLLLAAAAAANNNGGGGGGGG"
"Now you have a go"
The man runs along.....
"CCLLLUUNKK"
"No, no, no run faster"
He trys again.....
"CCCLLLAAANNNKK"
"Nearly, try jumping into the bell".
He has another go....
"CCCCLLLLLLAAAAAANNNGGGGGGGG" goes the bell as the man is thrown through
the air and out of the bell tower window.
SPLAT! �He lands on the floor, dead.
The police are called and Quasi modo is asked if he knew the name of
the man.
"No, sorry, but his face rings a bell"
Got any decent jokes you want on this page -�send them to
[email protected]
